Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
