you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
