dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
