Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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