I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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