dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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