How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
