So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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