idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
