He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
