The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sext me about skeletons
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize