So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
