apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
