your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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