Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
