I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
