There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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