Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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