Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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