it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
