dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
