His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
