I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
