Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
