We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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