WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
