To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
