Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
