This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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