You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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