I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
