I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
