I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
