Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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