So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
