Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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