You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Someone came in the potted fern
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I touched a dick in church today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
