A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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