just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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