MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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