He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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