I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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