guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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