I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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