Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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