the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
