I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize