i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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