That's intense
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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