what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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