My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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