i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
