I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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