Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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