Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
