Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
