her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
