I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
