i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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