I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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