i permit you to call me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
