We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
