i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize