I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
