It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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