I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
