I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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