I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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