OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
