Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize