i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
