i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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