we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
