i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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