The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
