Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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