we're blogging at a bar
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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