found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
