I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
