think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
