when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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