im about as happy as oj after his trial
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize