He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
