we're blogging at a bar
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
