I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
