i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
