I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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