it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
