everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize