Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
