My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there was a trapeze. enough said
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
