The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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