Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
