yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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