dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
