i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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