I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
