remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
