I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
