one two three fourrrrnication!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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