This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
