Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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