bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
