When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
