i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
