Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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