he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
