So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
