i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry about my life...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
