how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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