I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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