You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
