i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
