Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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