So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
