YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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