Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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