I just saw a hot homeless man
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
